she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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