I like my sex mixed with concussions.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
