I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
