Ambien. No doubt about it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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