Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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