I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
