I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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