You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
