They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
