I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
