Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
