I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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