at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
