Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
