I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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