His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
