go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
