I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
