Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
