Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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