I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
