Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
