the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
