i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
