She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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