Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
