my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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