Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do herpes really smell.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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