Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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