I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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