No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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