Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
