Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
