the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
