i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
