nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
