I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
