I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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