I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Houston, we have a blender
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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