I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
