This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
