I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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