I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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