This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ketchup is God's man juice
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
