if you like me you must not know who I am
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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