god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
