she looked like the before picture.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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