Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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