I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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