I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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