We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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