he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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