OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
