Sponge bath it is.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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