Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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