I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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