Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
