i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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