i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize