I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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