Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think brook has ever known best
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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