How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
