I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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