ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
