I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
