the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
