does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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