Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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