K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
