My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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