organizing the empties. That sober.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
