I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
